say say my playmate

Talking to friends about their relationships is a great way to remind myself how good my girlfriend and I have it, despite the flaws.

I feel really lonely still. I thought this semester would be awesome and more social. I am trying to make it more social, but I feel like nobody really cares or prioritizes me at all. I’m not really important to anyone in the meatworld, except my GF. She’s great, but I need to have friends again. I have a few awesome long-term friends but they live far away and we have very ‘distant’ friendships — we act close when we’re together, but we only get together once every several months. It seems like the lonelier I get the worse I am at making connections with anybody except those people, and it self-perpetuates. Nobody really keeps up with me day-to-day. It makes me wonder if I smell or if I’m really annoying or something, because I must be doing something wrong.

a notforked christmas eve

Sipping Amarula alone in my parents’ house and watching some random movie recommended by reddit.

furiously devouring an artichoke leaf-by-leaf while tumblring / studying after my 7:30-10pm exam

look down for the first time in 5 or 10 minutes and realize i have sprayed margarine all over my desk

I have an exam tonight in 3 hours and have somehow found myself reading creepy/scary/disturbing stories on reddit. I was completely engrossed and opening new tabs until very suddenly I remembered myself. Now I’m alone in my apartment all creeped out because my gf is out. BAD LIFE CHOICES

My lack of motivation to study this semester is going to bite me in the ass

And then I’m probably going to cry about it.

Just warning you.

for a little bit, I was looking through porn while I was supposed to be doing my work, and then I hopped over to reddit and stumbled on all these fucking elaborate cookie recipes and now I have so many urges I cannot satisfy right now.

GOD DAMN I WANT COOKIES, NOT NORMAL LOSER COOKIES BUT SOME RED VELVET COOKIES OR SOMETHING

do you ever wonder why you bother with people

or with doing things to try to feel accomplished or whatever? i think i am stuck in a permanent state of anxiety and poor self-worth so i would never know if i had succeeded or had real friends anyway. 

ugh

This is a long-ish ramble about weight training, mostly squats, and the hip pain I have been getting when I do them.

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i am up an hour and 12 minutes passed my self-imposed bed-time

because i slacked the fuck off when i should have been studying for this human molecular genetics midterm tomorrow. it’s not exactly hard but the prof expects very high levels of detail. oh dear.

i’m reaching that point of tired and stir-crazy where i do shit and then moments later, realize it happened and wonder why. for example, i just chugged my mug of tea. why? was i really thirsty? i feel a little sick.